“Change is the only constant in life.” – Heraclitus

Eish! Every morning I wake up to my reflection and another
piece of evidence that my youth is slowly shifting and morphing into an older
more “mature” version of me. Laugh lines and the odd silver follicle amongst
the brown. Eek! My thirties are coasting along defiantly in the direction of my
forties and more changes are inevitable. After adopting a rigorous gym routine
and vegan lifestyle, I observed fat literally disappearing off my body (over 12
kilograms in six months) and in the past few years my hairline has migrated
slightly north of the border and I realise that my body, like everything else
in nature, is in a constant state of flux. 
I have a choice:  I can embrace and
enjoy the way my body is going to morph and change; or, I can kick and scream
and fight and sleep face down in a vat of Q10 cream.  As a gay man there is so much pressure with
regards to “presentation”.  We are so
body and image conscious and I will admit to fostering a lifelong desire to
both be, and be with, a “Muscle-Mary” (muscular gay man).  However, I am naturally tall and lanky.  In fact one of my nicknames at varsity was
“Spaghetti”, which brings me to another type of “morph”.   Apparently, there are traditionally three
different body types amongst us (Somatotypes): Ectomorphs, Mesomorphs and
Endomorphs.

Endomorphs are traditionally chunkier and more inclined to
be a little heavier, like our “Bear” brothers, whereas the “Muscle-Mary’s” are
the athletic and brawn inclined Mesomorphs while most of the stringy “Twinks”
and I are lean Ectomorphs.  What kind of
a “morph” are you?

These body types can morph from one into another over time.
For example, if a Mesomorphic “Muscle-Mary” was to drop the protein shake and
stuff his face with carbohydrates, he might eventually become an
Endomorph.  Similarly, many an
Ectomorphic “Twink” has grown up to morph into an Endomorphic “Bear” or a
Mesomorphic “Muscle-Mary”.

The word “morph” as well as the terms “morphing”, “morphine”
and “metamorphosis” originate from the word Morpheus. Morpheus was the Roman
god of sleep, form, outward appearance and “the maker of
shapes”.  In order for something to morph
it needs to transform from one shape into another.  Many of us gay men dream of morphing our
bodies into the shapes we idealise and which we see so often glorified in the
media and popular culture.  This can lead
to feelings of inadequacy, depression, low self-worth, and in severe cases even
body dysmorphia, should we not be successful, which can lead to conditions such
as body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), anorexia, bulimia and the lesser known vigorexia
or bigorexia.

Anorexia and bulimia are quite well publicised eating
disorders that often go hand in hand with body dysmorphia, but I would guess
that vigorexia, muscle dysmorphia or bigorexia are more likely to affect our
muscle-preoccupied community.  These disorders
develop when an individual becomes obsessed with obtaining bigger muscles and
less body fat.  Often individuals who
suffer from these disorders are of above average musculature but they believe
themselves to be “too thin”.  These
conditions have also been dubbed the “Adonis complex”.  Feelings of shame and inferiority often
associated with gay men who have faced adversity or prejudice due to their
sexual orientation, can manifest as a predisposition for overachieving and an
obsession with a muscular physique (in order to compensate.) In other words, “I
will prove that I am not an intolerable sulk by transforming myself into an
incredible hulk.”

It would appear that distorted views of ourselves and even
one another can be prevalent in gay culture. 
Our predilection for aesthetic perfection as a community needs to be
considered by the medical fraternity. 
Many doctors fail to warn gay men that certain combinations of antiretroviral
treatment, after long-term use, can result in side-effects such as lipodystrophy
or lipoatrophy.  These conditions take
place when subcutaneous fat on the face and body disappears or migrates to
other areas of the body, causing distortion or deformity.   Aesthetically
conscious gay men may then cease their treatment and endanger their health for
fear of becoming unattractive.  This
drastic and risky behaviour is unnecessary as side-affects are avoidable and
can easily be rectified by discussing symptoms and alternative combination
treatments with your doctor.

We will risk our lives to look good; this is how important
our appearance is to us.  We are constantly
scrutinising our bodies and the bodies of those around us.  Perhaps we can use this habit in a less
critical and more proactive way? 
Prevention is better than cure, so if we use our self-awareness to keep
tabs on how our bodies may or may not be morphing, we can prevent many diseases.  Regular self-examinations of your lymph
glands, testicles and the size, shape and texture of your prostate can prevent
or make you aware of the threat of various viral infections or prostate and/or
testicular cancer. This is something you can do on your own or with your
partner’s assistance.  Keeping an eye on
your skin’s sun damage, potentially malignant moles and unusual growths or lumps
and getting them checked by a medical practitioner may not only improve your quality
of life but it may also save it.  May
you, in this way, morph into a happy and healthy morph.

Bruce J. Little is a media consultant for Health4Men, a
project of the Anova Health Institute NPC, funded by USAID through PEPFAR. This
article represents Bruce’s personal views.