How we feel
about ourselves affects how we behave and how well we take care of ourselves. For
example, research done in America has shown that gay and bisexual men who are
able to resolve their internalized homophobia have better health outcomes. Research
from South Africa has confirmed the link between depression and risky sexual
behavior. For example, Dr. Andy Tucker and others from Health4Men found that
MSM (men who have sex with men) who suffered from depression were nearly three
times more likely to report having unprotected anal sex compared to MSM who
were not depressed.
When we feel bad
about ourselves, we try to find ways to make ourselves feel better. Sometimes
it’s nothing more than a good glass of wine at the end of a tough day. But in
cases of severe depression, recreational substance use can escalate to the
level of addiction. While excessive drug and alcohol use can be harmful in
themselves, they also influence our ability to make healthy decisions. For
example, it has been found that MSM who were regular drinkers were four times
more likely to report having unprotected anal sex.
So what is the
secret to true happiness? Don’t get me wrong, I am no guru and Grace Jones
knows, I have my own share of demons to wrestle and imbalances to level, but
here are four suggestions of things that have helped me.
Invest in your personal
growth Many of us suffer from insecurities and self-doubts for one reason
or another. We worry that we’re too short, too tall, too loud, too shy, too smart,
not smart enough… The list of possible imperfections
is endless ! Although we invest time
in our relationships with others, it’s easy to forget to invest in one of our
most important relationships: our relationship with ourselves. This means
watching out for that ‘Negative Nancy’ voice in your head that tells you you’re
not good enough… for whatever reason! Focus on your inner strength, your
talents and unique gifts. Soon you’ll learn to love the unique quirks and
foibles that make you you. Once you
start to see the good within yourself, others will be sure to notice the good
things too.
2. Pick your company As much as we all like to think we are
uninfluenced by those around us, the reality is that most of us spend huge
amounts of time with our friends and genuinely value their opinions. We can’t
choose our families, but we can choose our friends! So make sure you pick
people who are worthy of your friendship – people who value the same things you
do. If you surround yourself with people who know and accept you as you are and
who love you because of who you are, you’ll probably find it easier to have a
gentler, more accepting attitude towards yourself.
Acknowledge the realities Being genuinely happy is not simply a matter of sticking our heads
in the sand and pretending that all is right with the world when we know this
isn’t true! Unfortunately, homophobia is not just a figment of our imaginations
but a very real phenomenon that is rife in the world and notably, on the
African continent. But acknowledging the realities ‘out there’ can sometimes be
easier than acknowledging what’s happening within our own lives. Issues of
depression and addiction are serious and should be taken seriously. It takes
deep courage to acknowledge the realities about ourselves and knowing when it’s
time to ask for help. If you think that you or someone you know may have a
problem, know that you are not alone and that help is only a phone call away! You
can contact:
Ø
The South African Depression
and Anxiety Group (SADAG): 011 262 6396
4. Be the change As Ghandi put it, you should “Be the
change that you wish to see in the worldâ€. If it weren’t for external
homophobia, internalised homophobia wouldn’t exist. So if we really want to get
to the heart of the problem, we need to address the homophobia ‘out there’ as
much as the homophobia that we internalise. Not everyone is an activist, but
activism can take many forms. It’s not only about picketing and making posters
– it’s about changing the way we interact with those closest to us.
Contributing to a less homophobic world can be as easy (and as difficult!) as
standing up to friends and colleagues when they make an inappropriate or
homophobic comment. And make sure to practice what you preach… Just as you
would like to live in a world where you are not judged but are accepted for who
and what you are, so does everybody else! So try to adopt and practice the kind
of tolerance that you would like to see in others.
In a nutshell
(or clutch-bag, whichever you prefer), nobody says it better than the divine Ru
Paul: “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody
else?â€
By Bruce J. Little and Sarah Mitchell.