Have your cake and eat it.
Whether you call it Rimming, Salad Tossing, Butt munching, sucking the starfish or the ever-eloquent Afrikaans: Poefparra Muff, eating the fruit that grows on the tree at the back door is like Marmalade – an acquired taste but one that, thanks to the porn industry, is one enjoyed by many people in the gay community.
I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that the act of analingus (the aforementioned rim job) is one that carries several health risks and runs the risk of leaving a bad taste in one’s mouth. Pun not intended.
The act of analingus itself is described as contact between the mouth, lips or tongue of one person and the anus and perineum (the skin between your bum and testicles, more commonly known as the taint, gooch or tjommie) of another person.
If you have never had your butthole canoodled in this fashion, you may be wrinkling your nose right now and wondering why anyone would want to do this. However, a closer look at human physiology reveals a high concentration of nerve endings at your pooper which, when stimulated orally, may make you sing the Hallelujah chorus from Handel’s Messiah.
So we should bend the first person we see over and devour their backside, right? Wrong!
There are a few things to bear in mind when sampling this seemingly forbidden fruit. And lucky for you, I’m here to help you get to the heart (or root as it were) of the matter.
- Clean your backside!
No one wants to eat soiled cake, so make sure you have showered and douched thoroughly before presenting your rear as a tapas platter. That thing should smell like a bar of Lux and be clean enough to eat off. (Again, pun not intended)
- Mow the lawn
Research has shown that a cleanly-shaven backside improves the sphincter’s sensitivity to touch, so get that weed wacker out and clean up.
- No double-dipping
If you enjoy visits to the back door, it is important to remember never to insert any toys or fingers that have been inside the rectum into your mouth. Toys and fingers generally reach further than your tongue and stand a higher chance of contamination. Also, please remember that this is a meal for one and sharing is not allowed. Avoid sharing toys and fingers between two backsides as once again, it opens the flood gates for problems down the road. Rimming can expose you to risks of hepatitis A infection, or E. Coli bacteria exposure, which can make you very sick.
- Use a dental dam
It is advised to have a protective layer between the mouth and the anus to minimise contamination. If you do not have a dental dam, you can improvise by using a non-lubricated condom, surgical gloves or pieces of food-safe plastic cut into squares. Most people will skip this step, but remember…it is a butthole after all. If you choose not to, remember to rinse your mouth with an antibacterial mouthwash after the fact – there are bacteria back there and besides, no one wants ass breath.
Follow these steps and your Prince Charming will be able to comfortably and safely sit on your face in no time at all. Bon Appetite!
Craig Stadler is a contributing writer for Anova Health Institute. These are his views, which may or may not reflect those of Anova and its affiliates. If you’d like to write for us, send an email to Little@anovahealth.co.za